Don't wait for life to be perfect, let go of control.

Sometimes we have a tendency to wait doing what we really want to do, because we think a lot of things have to be perfect first. We think that if we have enough money, or we don’t have that draining job, or have the perfect relationsship, then we can do whatever we like.

But it’s an illusion. Because if you have this “everything gonna be perfect, when this and this happens perception”, it will never happen.

In life I have seen a pattern, that there is always something missing. Never have I experienced a lifesituation where everything was “perfect”.

I might have been very happy in a relationsship, and I might have felt fulfilled in my job, but then I was unsatisfied with where I lived. Or I might have been happy where I lived and happy with my job, or was going towards a dream ,but then the relationsship ended, or some conflicts with my family.

But is it life or your own perception that’s due to this? I think that if we all the time has this fixed perception about how our life is going to look like when it’s perfect, it never will. Because life will never be fixed, will never be an image. It’s movement. It’s to be in it right now. It’s not to be in it tomorrow.

So you might reach your perfect life image, but then you might have changed in the meantime, and what you once dreamt about, is not aligning with where you are now. So even if all your dreams would be real, it’s not a garanti that you will feel happy in that reality.

Because if all the outer things would be perfect, as you imagined. If you are not present in that reality, or are honest with who you are, it will never feel right.

Why not just say that it will never be “perfect”, so what?? Are you abel to be happy in the “not perfect”, can you have a happy moment in the “not perfect”

I think I have a very precious gift. Haven’t really thought about it before as a good quality. But from I was a child, I have always been abel to be in the middle of whatever situation I was in, and be creative. I have always had this urge to create. I could sit for hours making drawings, or small worlds on an empty bookshelf. A whole universe under a table. Also in my studio, it’s not so organized, I don’t really care about the surroundings as long as I can create. I don’t wait. I don’t wait for being ready, I just do it, because I need to be in that space. It’s recharging. It’s to be in the now.

But I do know, this feeling of waiting to do things, because I don’t feel ready. I don’t feel good enough. I don’t feel I deserve to do what I want.

But it’s a kind of control mindset. We want everything planned before we can do something. You set your own limits.

You decide what you can and what you can’t do. So why not do what you really want to do now? Today?

All what I write, is all the time around being in the moment. About being connected to the heart, connected to a place without judgement. When we are in the mind we judge all the time. We judge ourselves and other people. We judge our lifesituation. We judge our art. We judge other peoples art. We compare. We divide. We criticize. It’s exhausting to be in the mind all the time, and it’s exhausting to trying to be perfect all the time.

To make art is a kind of oasis, it’s an oasis from the mind. It’s an opportunity to be in the moment. If you dare.

How can we learn not to be in the mind? Not having to be perfect? not having to judge ourselves and others.

shaking

I love to see children doing art. Children playing around. They don’t have this mind set about being perfect. They just are. They don’t care about being messy. They play with seriousness, it’s important business. What I remember most from childhood, is this feeling of being disturbed. All the time, I had to do things I didn’t like to do. Then it was eating time, then we was going out on visit, then we had guests, then I had to go to school. Always interuptions. All I wanted was to be playing and creating. I really didn’t liked to be told what to do. I think that’s something we all can recall.

To be perfect is for me to be real. Not to put myself in a box, not to show only the nice facade and hide all the dirtyness and all the shadows under the carpet. It’s exhausting to try to be that perfect person all the time, and it’s very exhausting to be around people, who has this very perfect facade. I just feel very uncomfortable when I come into this kind of perfect home you see in the magazines, or theese perfect looking people with perfect clothes. Everything about them seems like something cutted out of a magazine. It makes everybody else filled with flaws. You just begin to see yourself through their eyes and you feel judged.

It’s the same with your artwork, what is a perfect artwork?? It’s the same as real people, people who can show and embody themselves in their wholeness. People who dare to be insecure, vulnable and true. People who dare to be unique and follow their own voice instead of the voice of the main stream culture. So to be perfect is to be you. It’s following your own feelings, your own guidance. It’s not to follow other peoples rules or control the outcome. How can you control life?? It’s not possible.

Marie J.Engelsvold. Sculpture play. 2019

Another thing to this mind set about perfectionism, is control. We want to know and control the results, we want to reach a certain destination. Why not let it all be, and see what happens. When you try to control the situations and your artwork, you close yourself of being alive. Yes, I actually think it’s true. We are not really alive when we try to control every aspect of our life. Our art work will not be alive, if we try to control every stage of the process.

But why is it so difficult to let go of control? Because you have to stay true, you have to stay awake. You can’t just go about your days, as an empty robot. You have to embrace every minute. To stay open to all possibilities. To be new in every moment.

Staying in control and perfection mode is actually to close yourself down. I have experienced, that you also close yourself to other people. You can’t receive anything from anybody, if you all the way stay in your control mode. Besides, life gets really boring.

I just want to say, I think it’s freaking scary too. I mean I’am not perfect about being not perfect……this control mode is a monster which is implanted deep down in our beings….so don’t be too hard on yourself and your artwork.

A good way is to begin to notice how it feels to be in control and perfect mode, and how it feels to be free of that mind set. Because then you can begin to work on shifting back to being alive.

Here are some questions to ask yourself when you are creating.

Is this really making me feel alive, does this makes me feel full of passion and joy??

Is everything planned?? Do I know the result??

Do I let myself stay open to all possibilities.

How does it make me feel, to not knowing the result??

How can I stay open to trust the whole process??

How can I feel safe in the middle of chaos?

How can I let go of control??

Is this really fun??

Why am I doing this??

Yes, that’s a good question. Why are you doing art??

I guess you can come up with a lot more questions, make some notes. Be more observant about how you are feeling during the day.

Hope you can use what I write. I write because its a way for me to stay in tune about the small issues that can disturb the process. I like to find out what is triggering me, so I can stay free, to be me.

Have a very nice day, stay alive.:-)

Hope you could use these tips.

I’am sharing this information to you freely, from my own experiences. Hope you can use it in your own process. Any donation, is deeply appreciated. :-)

Donate



• Turtorials and tips
  • May 15, 2019 How to take your drawings, to the next level. May 15, 2019
  • Apr 30, 2019 Be bold, let your light out. Apr 30, 2019
  • Apr 6, 2019 How to start your drawing praxis. Apr 6, 2019
  • Mar 8, 2019 What to do when you are stucked in the creative process?? Mar 8, 2019
  • Feb 13, 2018 How do you work with composition? Feb 13, 2018
  • Jan 8, 2018 Make a kickstart. Jan 8, 2018
  • Nov 20, 2017 Go bigger. Nov 20, 2017
  • Nov 8, 2017 What is your drawings all about? Nov 8, 2017
  • Oct 31, 2017 Wait!! Before you throw that drawing in the bin!!!!! Oct 31, 2017
  • Oct 12, 2017 Find inspiration everywhere. Oct 12, 2017
  • Oct 12, 2017 Experiment with shapes and lines. Oct 12, 2017
  • Oct 12, 2017 Want to find your own visual language ? Oct 12, 2017
• psycological aspects
  • May 26, 2020 Holding your flow. May 26, 2020
  • May 6, 2020 The world is yours. May 6, 2020
  • Apr 22, 2020 Let your heart decide. Apr 22, 2020
  • Apr 18, 2020 Create from your self. Apr 18, 2020
  • Apr 4, 2020 Expand your own signature. Apr 4, 2020
  • Oct 9, 2019 How to shift out of the 3d perspective. Oct 9, 2019
  • Sep 20, 2019 What is it, to be grounded? Sep 20, 2019
  • Sep 10, 2019 How to follow your own flow. Sep 10, 2019
  • Jul 28, 2019 Releasing your resistance to the moment. Jul 28, 2019
  • Jul 15, 2019 Don't wait for life to be perfect, let go of control. Jul 15, 2019
  • Jun 1, 2019 How to raise your vibration, through the creative process. Jun 1, 2019
  • Apr 1, 2019 How embracing all parts of you, will help you in your art making. Apr 1, 2019
  • Feb 20, 2019 Don’t resist the moment. Live your dream. Feb 20, 2019
  • Feb 10, 2019 Why are we so hard on ourselves? Feb 10, 2019
  • Feb 1, 2019 It's okay to say NO. Feb 1, 2019
  • Jan 2, 2019 Let yourself shine in 2019 :-) Jan 2, 2019
  • Nov 22, 2018 Look at your obstacles as adventures. Nov 22, 2018
  • Feb 2, 2018 How to stay in the process? Feb 2, 2018
  • Dec 20, 2017 Slow down Dec 20, 2017
  • Dec 12, 2017 There is no "right" way. Dec 12, 2017
  • Dec 5, 2017 Why it's important to unlearn. Dec 5, 2017
  • Oct 12, 2017 Let your feelings be your guide. Oct 12, 2017
  • Sep 5, 2017 Don't be afraid of change:-) Sep 5, 2017
  • Sep 5, 2017 Express your feelings Sep 5, 2017
  • Sep 5, 2017 Can drawing be a kind of meditation? Sep 5, 2017
• turtorials
  • Apr 6, 2019 How to start your drawing praxis. Apr 6, 2019
• video
  • May 15, 2019 How to take your drawings, to the next level. May 15, 2019
  • Apr 30, 2019 Be bold, let your light out. Apr 30, 2019
  • Apr 1, 2019 How embracing all parts of you, will help you in your art making. Apr 1, 2019
  • Mar 8, 2019 What to do when you are stucked in the creative process?? Mar 8, 2019
  • Feb 20, 2019 Don’t resist the moment. Live your dream. Feb 20, 2019
  • Feb 10, 2019 Why are we so hard on ourselves? Feb 10, 2019
  • Feb 1, 2019 It's okay to say NO. Feb 1, 2019

How embracing all parts of you, will help you in your art making.

1) How to connect with your feelings, and feel them instead of being mental about it.

2) How it will help you to stay present in the creative process.

Take a look at my video, where you can follow my own process while you lisen’t to my experiences. Or you can just read the blog post instead.

There is another layer to the topic I talked about in my last video. “What to do if you get stocked in the creative process.”

When we begin to criticize and judge ourselves, it’s because we are too much in our heads. We don’t now how to be present with ourselves. Because it can be hurtful to embrace all our feelings.

To be free in the creative process and in life, it’s so important to be present. And to be present you must connect with your heart and body. But why is it so difficult?? and so much easier to go to the head and be mental about it. I woke up last night, and was feeling really pain. And these words came to me “ You go to your head when your heart hurts”. We want to be happy and positive, and then it’s easier to suppress all the negative emotions. But the feelings don’t go away when you try to ignore them, they stay and they build up.

So to be present with yourself, it’s about being present with everything inside of you. Also the stuff thats hurts.

What to do??

My process. here I start with painting the paper black. I always start with a white paper, but felt like doing the opposite would balance the energies.

You have to go down in the deepht of yourselves, to say hallo to that part of you which is in the dark bottom of that hole. To accept it, and get it back up. Don’t begin to analyze it, or judge if the feeling is going to be there or not, if it’s good or bad. Just feel whatever is inside of you. In the beginning it can be a little frightening, to go down there, if you are not used to confront it. And you sometimes need to stay for a while, to acknowledge these dark feelings. To be there in the darkness for your lost friend. To give comfort, and acceptance to that feeling.

When I was a child, I sometimes felt it was not okay to be sad, to be angry to be grieving. My mother said, you just put yourself togheter now, and up on that horse again. You know you will soon forget all this. But then you just put that lid on, and that feeling will not be allowed it’s space.

Sometimes it can also happen that you are too long in that dark hole with your friend. That you just fall into total hopelessness and despair, even getting totally knocked out. Maybe you don’t accept and really getting yourself the comfort you need? We can be sad and angry, but if we at the same time feel that it’s wrong to have these feelings, they won’t go away. It’s really about owning these feelings, and comfort yourself as you would to a child.

When you have tried it just once, and being abel to stay with your feelings, and drag it up in the light with you, you don’t have to stay so long each time. Imagine there is a trampoline down there, and you just can jump up and down, in a balanced movement between the light and the dark. Because we are both. We can’t just be happy and light all the time.

I think thats why we are so afraid to get down there, because we never really learned how to get up. To get up renewed and full of new energy and wholeness. Just because you allowed yourself to feel, to let yourself be you. To accept all of yourself. It’s a very small act, but it’s not easy. Instinctively we tend to escape from all that hurts. All it really takes is to sit quiet for a moment with yourself.

Marie J.Engelsvold. My process: Working with Molotow acrylic markers and paper cuts.

2) How it will help you to stay present in the creative process.

To be abel to stay present with all these feelings, it helps to release them through your creations. It helps to put them out on that paper, or any other medium you prefer. I just use the drawing as an example of an easy way to create without having to think too much about space and time and other practical things. The most important thing is to get started, to release the energy because it will help you to drag yourself out of that hole. And when you start it will develop in it’s own pace. You will by following your own guidance end up doing what will be the most beneficial way to express your uniqueness.

You can’t follow a must, a mental plan or an idea.

Marie J.Engelsvold. My process: Working with Molotow acrylic markers and paper cuts.

You can’t do it because you think you have to, you have to do it because you want to do it. But sometimes you can’t feel what you want, because you are so used to do what you have to do. Or what you think you have to do. When do you really ask yourself what you truly want from your heart?? If there was no limits?? Let your heart fly. Don’t plan it, do it and let it grow. Do just something a little thing you want to do. Then you will feel the energy, you will fell happier and it will grow in you. And it will grow out of you.

The more I dare to be in that space with my art, the more free I become. Drop the rules. Drop the limitations. It is all mental, it’s not you.

Every time you can drag yourself out of that hole, you will get more fearless. You will not be so afraid of the darkness in you, because you trust yourself to come up again every time. And not just up again being the same. No, you bring up new energy, from all the things you have accepted in yourself, and all the things you have let go of. The false notions, and limitations you have put onto yourself.

So don’t be afraid of going to your heart to feel all the hurt, the sorrow the anger and the abandonment. You have to do it, to set yourself free. To be free to express yourself, in all your true colors.

Marie J.Engelsvold. “Coming out” 29,7 x 42 cm. 2019

Here is a little tip.

Take a paper, and some drawing materials, paint what ever you want.

Then just start. Don’t have any agenda. Not thinking of a result. Just

try to empty yourself out on that paper.

Fell whatever is coming up. Allow whatever is coming out.

Don’t judge if it’s good or bad, ugly or beautiful.

Just let it be raw and what it is.

Create from a non judgment place, a no critic place.

Go with your nudges.

Hope this helped you. I wish you a very nice day, a day where you allow yourself to be present with all your feelings, and say it’s okay.

I’am teaching in “how you can free yourself in the creative process”, go to workshops, to read about my courses and workshops. Next ones is in Mai 2019.

I’am sharing this information to you freely, from my own experiences. Hope you can use it in your own process. Any donation, is deeply appreciated. :-))

Donate

• Turtorials and tips
  • May 15, 2019 How to take your drawings, to the next level.
  • Apr 30, 2019 Be bold, let your light out.
  • Apr 6, 2019 How to start your drawing praxis.
  • Mar 8, 2019 What to do when you are stucked in the creative process??
  • Feb 13, 2018 How do you work with composition?
  • Jan 8, 2018 Make a kickstart.
  • Nov 20, 2017 Go bigger.
  • Nov 8, 2017 What is your drawings all about?
  • Oct 31, 2017 Wait!! Before you throw that drawing in the bin!!!!!
  • Oct 12, 2017 Find inspiration everywhere.
  • Oct 12, 2017 Experiment with shapes and lines.
  • Oct 12, 2017 Want to find your own visual language ?
• psycological aspects
  • May 26, 2020 Holding your flow.
  • May 6, 2020 The world is yours.
  • Apr 22, 2020 Let your heart decide.
  • Apr 18, 2020 Create from your self.
  • Apr 4, 2020 Expand your own signature.
  • Oct 9, 2019 How to shift out of the 3d perspective.
  • Sep 20, 2019 What is it, to be grounded?
  • Sep 10, 2019 How to follow your own flow.
  • Jul 28, 2019 Releasing your resistance to the moment.
  • Jul 15, 2019 Don't wait for life to be perfect, let go of control.
  • Jun 1, 2019 How to raise your vibration, through the creative process.
  • Apr 1, 2019 How embracing all parts of you, will help you in your art making.
  • Feb 20, 2019 Don’t resist the moment. Live your dream.
  • Feb 10, 2019 Why are we so hard on ourselves?
  • Feb 1, 2019 It's okay to say NO.
  • Jan 2, 2019 Let yourself shine in 2019 :-)
  • Nov 22, 2018 Look at your obstacles as adventures.
  • Feb 2, 2018 How to stay in the process?
  • Dec 20, 2017 Slow down
  • Dec 12, 2017 There is no "right" way.
  • Dec 5, 2017 Why it's important to unlearn.
  • Oct 12, 2017 Let your feelings be your guide.
  • Sep 5, 2017 Don't be afraid of change:-)
  • Sep 5, 2017 Express your feelings
  • Sep 5, 2017 Can drawing be a kind of meditation?
• turtorials
  • Apr 6, 2019 How to start your drawing praxis.
• video
  • May 15, 2019 How to take your drawings, to the next level.
  • Apr 30, 2019 Be bold, let your light out.
  • Apr 1, 2019 How embracing all parts of you, will help you in your art making.
  • Mar 8, 2019 What to do when you are stucked in the creative process??
  • Feb 20, 2019 Don’t resist the moment. Live your dream.
  • Feb 10, 2019 Why are we so hard on ourselves?
  • Feb 1, 2019 It's okay to say NO.